It’s been about a year since I started doing Weight Watchers.

For those who didn’t know: at this time, last year, I was overweight. It wasn’t by much, and people never believe me when I tell them this, but it’s the truth. I was eating poorly, exercising less, and really was just on a downward spiral that was only going to get worse.

When you keep a bag of chocolate chips in your car to absentmindedly snack on at stop lights, you know it’s bad.

It was time to change.

So, for the last year, I’ve been using the Weight Watchers online tools to control how much I eat. Contrary to popular belief, Weight Watchers isn’t one of those weird “meals delivered to your door! Lose 5 pounds in a week!” sort of diet plan. It allows people to eat whatever they want, but has them keep track of it. Weight Watchers also encourages daily exercise, a healthy diet, and overall lifestyle changes.

Believe it or not, it’s actually worked for me. Over the last year, I’ve changed how I view food and exercise, and have really strived to improve my health. I’ve actually been able to shed a few pounds! Not without a few hiccups, though.

I’ve tried to face and resolve the problems I’ve ran into as best I can. Yet, a year later, it’s hard to not pound my head against a wall. Weight Watchers isn’t a gimmick. It’s a true lifestyle change. You’d think that, in the last year, it would have become easier, but it’s still a learning experience. Here’s some of the challenges I’ve faced:

5 Things I’ve Learned From Doing Weight Watchers

1. Delicious food will always be delicious. Sorry.

People claim that once you stop eating greasy food, or sugary food, or straight-up-artery clogging food, that you’ll eventually stop liking it. Suddenly the McDonald’s burger is too greasy and the Cheesecake Factory is too sweet.

I think they’re all nuts. Cookies have always been and forever will be delicious, and it’ll always be a challenge for me to eat 1 at a time instead of 20. I guess I’ll just have to accept this, and use my willpower.

2. Traveling makes staying healthy really, really hard.

Weight Watchers is all good and fun when you’re at home and can stock your own fridge and prepare your own meals. When you’re on the road, though, it’s a whole new ball game.

Besides, food is an integral part of every culture. I’m not going to go to Vietnam and refuse to try the coconut-flavored ice cream, or decline my long-lost family’s home cooking.

3. Self-motivation is also hard.

I decided to do Weight Watchers for myself, and nobody else. As a result, I’m the only one who cares if I screw up.

I’m the only one who holds myself accountable. In fact, most people don’t even know that I’m doing Weight Watchers. This makes it hard to stay on track.

I avoid buying junk food, but sometimes, the junk comes to you. Even a year later, I find it difficult to resist.

4. Sometimes, good is never good enough.

Despite all the challenges, I really have lost a bit of weight using Weight Watchers. My family noticed it when I visited home for Lunar New Year’s last month.

I was glad to hear that my efforts had bore visible fruit. However, the compliments were followed up with comments like these. 

There really isn’t any winning this battle. Sometimes, good is never good enough…

5. …especially to me.

The one least satisfied with my progress is me. It’s been a year, yet I’m not even close to my target weight. I miss the times when I could eat without thinking about every bite I take. Sometimes, staying on track is just as difficult as it was on day 1.

The more I try, the more discouraged I get. I know it’s silly, but how do models get as thin as they do?!

Every writer and their mother has talked about the pressure to stay thin as a woman, especially for Asian women. I’ve come to realize– though I know people come in all shapes and sizes and can still be healthy– though I know models are always photoshopped and it’s all fantasy, all fake– I still hold myself, as I do for most things, to unrealistic standards.

It’s not as though the last year has been a total failure, though. I know I’ve improved. I’m healthier. Fitter. I’m training for a half-marathon, for goodness’ sakes. The difference is visible.

I’m no longer waging the battle to be healthy. I’m going to run a half-marathon in May, so I figure that fight is well in my favor. Now I’m grappling with something much harder– the ability to like myself the way I am.

And that, my friends, is way more difficult.

But, in spite of all this, it’s fine. Don’t give up!

That’s what I tell myself every day when I log into Weight Watchers and obsessively track my food. I’ve stuck with it this far. I have to keep going. Despite my long list of failures and defeats, I’ve had little victories as well. I view food differently now. I no longer compromise my health for school. I still have trouble refusing when someone offers me free cake, but sometimes– once in a while– I’m able to say no.

So… I guess I learned not 5, but 6 things.

6. It’s possible.

Even after a year, changing the way I eat is hard. I’ve fallen on and off the wagon so many times. But little by little, I’ve been getting better at this. Even if I haven’t reached where I want to be, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far.

Because I have accomplished something. It’s possible.

And knowing that– despite the difficulties– despite my seemingly insatiable appetite and absolute love of sweets–  it is possible for someone like me to take steps towards a healthier lifestyle. That’s what they are, steps. Nothing big. Nothing sweeping. But at least, a year later, I know it’s possible for me to get what I want.

I just have to keep trying, one day at a time.